Sister

When I was born, I must have had torches for hands
Because anytime I walk too close to someone
It seems like I do a lot of burning
And very little embracing.

But with you, it has always been different;
You were never scared of my fires.
You must have been born with flame-resistant skin.

I remember when we first met:
I was boring;
You were crazy.
I wore white capris with dress shirts and rarely spoke.
You wore thrift-store-T-shirts and said the word "Fag".

I thought you needed my help, that you needed saving.

Who knew you would be the one to help save me?

A casual acquaintanceship:
Your friends were my friends
So we went bowling and played pretend at recess.

I was afraid of interaction with people;
You thrived on it.

Fast friends,
With our three brothers and crazy imaginations.
P.E. (The horror!  The horror!) became our domain.
The kids who cursed, the kids who cast spells, the kids whose parents left them home alone
Became our companions, as we feebly tried to minister.

Then you called me from vacation.

"I'm moving."

Wait...
What???
Moving???

Those words stung like a knife from behind:
Cold,
Unexpected,
Life-shattering.

Yet,
With our impending separation, we grew only closer.
Up and down Mulberry Street we walked,
Living almost inseparable lives.

Like sisters.

The day you left
I cried,
For you,
For me,
To the God who seemed so far away,
So distant from all that was happening.

Years I spent in anger, in anguish,
Wondering when the good was to come
As I held to that Romans 8:28 promise.

Then came last summer.

My torches were ablaze,
And your flame-resistant skin let down its protection.

I know I hurt you.

I know I should have listened to you,
Should have loved you better,
Should have been less sensitive,
Less selfish,
Less stupid.

I'm sorry.

But even though you carry those burns,
I cling to the hope that the Great Healer will have His way in both our lives,
That He will extinguish my flames of fear and crush my walls of insecurity
And will heal your hurt from all I knowingly did wrong.

I love you like crazy,
My sister that I never had.
You have a piece of my heart,
All rough and red and broken.
And though we came from different wombs,
It is like we are somehow connected
By some familial force beyond comprehension.

Thank you for all you have been.

I am so thrilled to see where the Lord leads you,
As you wildly follow His wonderful plan.
Whether it leads to Africa or babies or simplicity,
I know you will serve the Kingdom with all your heart.


For my dear friend and sister, Alison Carpenter.