Invisible Eyelashes

I am the girl with invisible eyelashes
Who cries at night,
In closets and in bathrooms,
Anywhere people won't see her.

I am the girl who obsesses,
Starves,
Longs to be beautiful,
But feels utterly worthless and spent.

I am the girl with invisible eyelashes,
Invisible struggles,
Invisibly crippled by an invincible front crafted carefully from stone and deceit.
And yes, I believe,
Deep within my confused heart,
But my head often wanders and my heart runs astray.
.
I am the girl with a pockmarked face,
Who hides skillfully behind tan-colored minerals and thick bangs,
Big glasses and quiet words,
Who fiercely fears being vulnerable and known.

I am the girl with a dark and deranged mind,
Who sometimes wonders what it would feel like to ram her car into a wall,
End it all,
Because perhaps then she would find peace and rest from all this despair.

I am the girl who eats peanut butter from a spoon and runs everywhere she goes,
Running late and running wild,
Going fast and going crazy.

I am the girl who memorizes license plate numbers,
Whose mind obsesses over those six or seven numbers-
542 PSF
BZ9 L753
221 DJM-
Reciting them over and over in her crazed head for who knows why.

I am the girl with invisible eyelashes,
Invisible feelings,
Who desperately tries not to offend or upset,
But ends up distanced and lonely.

I am the girl whose heart beats hard and fast for love,
Yet who fears the potential of her flesh's wayward ways
Because she has already kissed too long and too hard too soon.

I am the girl who weeps for love,
Weeps for the ones she loves,
The ones who suffer,
Who cry desperately to a God who sometimes seems more distant than the stars.

I am the girl who is more confused than confused can be,
Who questions, "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?" and "Who will I become?"
In this world of fast lanes and distortions.

I am the girl who rests in the Truth,
But sometimes plays Peter and denies,
Usually more than three times,
But then that rooster crows and she awakens,
With tears of repentance in her eyes and the Father's arms wrapped tightly around her.

I am the girl who was wallowing in her own blood,
But heard the voice that cried "Live",
Who has been chosen, redeemed, and accepted,
Whose quirks, sins, and talents have been offered up to the Great Refiner
Who will buff and burn and burn and buff so her heart looks more and more like Jesus.

I am the girl with invisible eyelashes.