Joyful eyes, a sweet smile, a contagious laugh.
Broken body, a thriving spirit, a beautiful mind.
How could You? We all tremblingly wonder. How??
She was too young. We all angrily cry. Too young!
Trust.
He, who knows far better than we,
With plans to prosper and not to harm.
For a hope.
And a future.
For our good.
For His glory.
Let it be so.
Lauren Buck knew, with full conviction, that "To live is Christ, and to die is gain." Lauren may have been unable to speak those words in a way that others could understand; Lauren may have been unable to read those words from the Bible; Lauren may have looked different and sounded different than all the other Christ followers around her, but Lauren lived in such a way that boldly proclaimed the power and joy of Christ to all she encountered.
Lauren was born, like my brother Jesse and dear friend Rebekah, with complications, leaving her brain severely damaged. With a condition doctors like to call cerebral palsy, Lauren's body was unsubmissive and weak: speaking was arduous, moving was laborious, walking...impossible. Her spirit, however, was unfettered. Though Lauren was confined to a wheelchair, she was the definition of an overcomer. Like many with CP, Lauren and her parents were not told that which she would be able to accomplish in her lifetime, but rather all she would be incapable of doing. That, of course, did not stop her for a moment. Lauren seized every second in joy and tore down, with her sweet CP hands, the barriers the doctors and therapists placed around her. She was truly an inspiration.
Lauren Buck was delivered from her weak flesh November 25, 2011. Her death was sudden, untimely. She was twelve years old. However, she left the world, I am told, in the same wonderfully jubilant way she lived every single day, never thinking for a moment that life was too difficult or unfair or pointless.
No longer is she subject to the weakness of her flesh. No longer is she suffering under the reign of the Fall. Lauren is free. And one day, when Christ comes again, she will be resurrected. Her body will be perfect. She will spend eternity praising the glorious King of Kings.
There is no need for mourning over this sweet girl's death. Her life was never characterized by sadness. She knew, somehow, in her wonderful mind, that to know Christ is to know joy. Exceeding, unending joy.
How many times have I felt sorry for myself because I feel "underprivileged"? How often have I thought about how "unfair" it is that I am not skinnier or prettier or smarter or whatever else I am convinced will finally satisfy me?
Lauren, of all people, had a right to think such things, yet I do not think she did for a moment. I think she was far more concerned with loving and being loved by people. Oh, and laughing!
Gracious Father,
Thank you for the gift that Lauren was. Thank you for using her short, sweet life to remind me that my time and the time of those I love is limited, and that joy can be found at all times in all situations because of You. Thank you for the knowledge that death is conquered in Christ. Thank you for the Shalom that is to come, the restoration of all things to You. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Resurrect us.
Let Your Kingdom come.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Assurance
ALMIGHTY GOD,
I am loved with everlasting love,
clothed in eternal righteousness,
my peace flowing like a river
my comforts many and large,
my joy and triumph unutterable,
my soul lively with a knowledge of salvation,
my sense of justification unclouded.
I have scarce anything to pray for;
Jesus smiles upon my soul as a ray of heaven
and my supplications are swallowed up in praise.
How sweet is the glorious doctrine of election
when based upon thy Word
and wrought inwardly within the soul!
I bless thee that thou wilt keep the sinner thou hast loved,
and hast engaged that he will not forsake thee,
else I would never get to heaven.
I wrong the work of grace in my heart
if I deny my new nature and my eternal life.
If Jesus were not my righteousness and redemption,
I would sink into nethermost hell
by my misdoings, shortcomings, unbelief, unlove;
If Jesus were not by the power of his Spirit my sanctification,
there is no sin I should not commit.
O when shall I have his mind!
when shall I be conformed to his image?
All the good things of life are less than nothing
when compared with his love,
and wit on glimpse of thy electing favour.
All the treasures of a million worlds could not make me richer,
happier, more contented,
for his unsearchable riches are mine.
One moment of communion with him,
one view of his grace,
is ineffable, inestimable.
But O God, I could not long after thy presence
if I did not know the sweetness of it;
And such I could not know except by thy Spirit in my heart,
nor love thee at all unless thou didst
elect me,
call me,
adopt me,
save me.
I bless thee for the covenant of grace.
-excerpt from The Valley of Vision by Arthur Bennett-
I am loved with everlasting love,
clothed in eternal righteousness,
my peace flowing like a river
my comforts many and large,
my joy and triumph unutterable,
my soul lively with a knowledge of salvation,
my sense of justification unclouded.
I have scarce anything to pray for;
Jesus smiles upon my soul as a ray of heaven
and my supplications are swallowed up in praise.
How sweet is the glorious doctrine of election
when based upon thy Word
and wrought inwardly within the soul!
I bless thee that thou wilt keep the sinner thou hast loved,
and hast engaged that he will not forsake thee,
else I would never get to heaven.
I wrong the work of grace in my heart
if I deny my new nature and my eternal life.
If Jesus were not my righteousness and redemption,
I would sink into nethermost hell
by my misdoings, shortcomings, unbelief, unlove;
If Jesus were not by the power of his Spirit my sanctification,
there is no sin I should not commit.
O when shall I have his mind!
when shall I be conformed to his image?
All the good things of life are less than nothing
when compared with his love,
and wit on glimpse of thy electing favour.
All the treasures of a million worlds could not make me richer,
happier, more contented,
for his unsearchable riches are mine.
One moment of communion with him,
one view of his grace,
is ineffable, inestimable.
But O God, I could not long after thy presence
if I did not know the sweetness of it;
And such I could not know except by thy Spirit in my heart,
nor love thee at all unless thou didst
elect me,
call me,
adopt me,
save me.
I bless thee for the covenant of grace.
-excerpt from The Valley of Vision by Arthur Bennett-
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Biblical Womanhood
Although being a woman is a defining aspect of my existence, second only to my identity in Christ and bestowed upon me by the Almighty Father who knit me in my mother's womb, as I have grown older, I have found it rather difficult to know what it means to truly be a woman of Biblical proportions. As a young girl, I gathered from observation that women were to be pretty, well-dressed, excellent cooks, and adorers of all things sparkly or pink. Unfortunately, I found myself lacking in most, if not all, of those areas. I must confess to have been in a rather discouraged state at times; if I were not these things, and all of the other ideas the world has conjured up to define femininity, how could I possibly be a woman?? Thankfully after reading a number of brilliant books by Elisabeth Elliot, who is perhaps my favorite woman of the Twentieth century, I was confronted with the idea that true, Biblical womanhood is far more than simply looking pretty and staying in fashion while men roll around in the mud and do work. Her insights were quite refreshing, yet left me with an even greater desire for understanding. Thus, I recently began reading a hefty book edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem entitled Recovering Biblical Manhood and Woman: A Response to Evangelical Feminism. It is rather lengthy, yet I do believe it will prove itself worth the read as I have already benefited much from its content. At the end of chapter one, in which Piper discusses "A Vision of Biblical Complementarity", a wonderful challenge to both men and women is included. I found each challenge to be inspiring and convicting. I still have many questions concerning what it means to truly walk as a woman of God, but I pray the Lord continues to graciously reveal the pathway to me. It is my sincerest hope that someday, as I faithfully pursue Christ and seek to understand the concept of Biblical womanhood, I will be a living example of these words:
1. That all of your life—in whatever calling—be devoted to the glory of God.
2. That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.
3. That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.
4. That you be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of its teaching; that meditation on Biblical truth be the source of hope and faith; that you continue to grow in understanding through all the chapters of your life, never thinking that study and growth are only for others.
5. That you be women of prayer, so that the Word of God will be opened to you, and so the power of faith and holiness would descend upon you; that your spiritual influence may increase at home and at church and in the world.
6. That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God which undergirds all these spiritual processes; and that you be deep thinkers about the doctrines of grace, and even deeper lovers of these things.
7. That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific role; that you not fritter away your time on soaps or women's magazines or unimportant hobbies; that you redeem the time for Christ and his Kingdom.
8. That, if you are single, you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to God (the way Jesus and Paul and Mary Slessor and Amy Carmichael did) and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.
9. That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him in his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility and holiness and prayer.
10. That, if you have children, you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise up children who hope in the discipline and instruction of the Lord-children who hope in the triumph of God-sharing with your husband the teaching and discipline they need, and giving them the special attachment they crave from you, as well as that special nurturing touch and care that you alone are fitted to give.
11. That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home, the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world; that you not only pose the question: career or full-time homemaker?, but that you ask just as seriously: full time career or freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to work for someone who tells you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God's free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God's business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or upward lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.
12. That you step back and (with your husband, if you are married) plan the various forms of your life's ministry in chapters. Chapters are divided by various things—age, strength, singleness, marriage, employment, children at home, children in college, grandchildren, retirement, etc. No chapter has all the joys. Finite life is a series of tradeoffs. Finding God's will, and living for the glory of Christ to the full in every chapter is what makes it a success, not whether it reads like somebody else's chapter or whether it has in it what chapter five will have.
13. That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.
14. That in all your relationships with men (not just in marriage) you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and a pattern of initiative; that you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.
15. That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom, but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity; that you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld, but by the countless roles offered; that you look to the loving God of Scripture and dream about the possibilities of your service to him...
Blessings,
Janae Elisabeth
1. That all of your life—in whatever calling—be devoted to the glory of God.
2. That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.
3. That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.
4. That you be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of its teaching; that meditation on Biblical truth be the source of hope and faith; that you continue to grow in understanding through all the chapters of your life, never thinking that study and growth are only for others.
5. That you be women of prayer, so that the Word of God will be opened to you, and so the power of faith and holiness would descend upon you; that your spiritual influence may increase at home and at church and in the world.
6. That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God which undergirds all these spiritual processes; and that you be deep thinkers about the doctrines of grace, and even deeper lovers of these things.
7. That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific role; that you not fritter away your time on soaps or women's magazines or unimportant hobbies; that you redeem the time for Christ and his Kingdom.
8. That, if you are single, you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to God (the way Jesus and Paul and Mary Slessor and Amy Carmichael did) and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.
9. That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him in his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility and holiness and prayer.
10. That, if you have children, you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise up children who hope in the discipline and instruction of the Lord-children who hope in the triumph of God-sharing with your husband the teaching and discipline they need, and giving them the special attachment they crave from you, as well as that special nurturing touch and care that you alone are fitted to give.
11. That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home, the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world; that you not only pose the question: career or full-time homemaker?, but that you ask just as seriously: full time career or freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to work for someone who tells you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God's free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God's business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or upward lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.
12. That you step back and (with your husband, if you are married) plan the various forms of your life's ministry in chapters. Chapters are divided by various things—age, strength, singleness, marriage, employment, children at home, children in college, grandchildren, retirement, etc. No chapter has all the joys. Finite life is a series of tradeoffs. Finding God's will, and living for the glory of Christ to the full in every chapter is what makes it a success, not whether it reads like somebody else's chapter or whether it has in it what chapter five will have.
13. That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.
14. That in all your relationships with men (not just in marriage) you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and a pattern of initiative; that you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.
15. That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom, but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity; that you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld, but by the countless roles offered; that you look to the loving God of Scripture and dream about the possibilities of your service to him...
Blessings,
Janae Elisabeth
Monday, November 14, 2011
Pressing on...
In preparation for this entry, I have been contemplating the tendency of my heart to be cleverly and deceivingly "patient". Recently, with the return of Devin from our three and a half month separation almost here, as well as my graduation from high school (finally!) drawing near, I have found myself in a realm of pseudo-patience that has been very detrimental to my spiritual health. I have struggled intensely these past few months with levels of sin which I have never felt or experienced before in my life: my soul has been exceedingly base; my affections for Christ, weak and waning; my love, poor. At times, I have genuinely desired and striven to press into Christ despite the undesirable conditions of my heart and surroundings, yet far too easily have I given up the fight, only to tell myself that perhaps in another time, on another day, I will pursue Him. I, though perhaps not in so many words, have undoubtedly thought to myself lies such as, "When Devin comes home, then I will love Jesus again," and "When I finally get out of high school, I will not fall so easily into depression, hate, impatience, anger..."
Upon retrospect, I am aware that I have allowed myself to believe such things for so long. However, these beliefs are practically ingrained within me. It seems as if a majority of my life has been spent in this pseudo-patience, waiting in vain for the next desirable occurrence that might perhaps make my life worth living. Thankfully, though, the Lord has been gracious to reveal to me the fault in my thinking. I have come to realize that if I am not loving and pressing into Christ right now, why would I suddenly choose to do so later? If in this fallow season I am not being disciplined in the faith, why would I change simply as my circumstances were altered? Not to say, of course, that the Lord cannot and will not use different places, people, and things to bring about change in my heart, but if I do not intentionally fight sin daily, I will continue to struggle with the same evils, no matter where I go or who is around me. If I do not chase after Jesus now, I will not be any nearer to Him ten years from now than I was today.
This is not an easy truth; I would prefer to believe that I can simply sit around in indifference until the Lord brings me to a healthy church in a pretty town with people who are easy to love and a life that carries purpose. Perhaps someday the Lord will bless me with such a situation, but as for now, I must cultivate a love for Jesus, in spite of where I am. In reality, my heart will remain the same, despite changing surroundings, if I am not actively loving, pursuing, and seeking the Lord, pleading earnestly with Him to change my heart by the power of the Gospel and through the work of the Holy Spirit.
I pray the Lord extends grace and mercy to me through the Beloved, that I might be freed from the bondage to apathetic waiting that I have so foolishly been chained to. May I pursue and seek Christ, regardless of my circumstances, regardless of who I am with or where I am, and regardless of whether I feel like doing so. May I be persistent in the spiritual disciplines of reading, prayer, fellowship, and confession, areas in which I so frequently fail. Most of all, may Christ be glorified in all that I think, say, and do at all times and in all seasons! May the same be true for you!
Blessings,
Janae Elisabeth
“God never places us in any position in which we can not grow. We may fancy that He does. We may fear we are so impeded by fretting, petty cares that we are gaining nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be sending roots downward. Perhaps in the time of our humiliation, when everything seems a failure, we are making the best kind of progress.”
-Elizabeth Prentiss
Upon retrospect, I am aware that I have allowed myself to believe such things for so long. However, these beliefs are practically ingrained within me. It seems as if a majority of my life has been spent in this pseudo-patience, waiting in vain for the next desirable occurrence that might perhaps make my life worth living. Thankfully, though, the Lord has been gracious to reveal to me the fault in my thinking. I have come to realize that if I am not loving and pressing into Christ right now, why would I suddenly choose to do so later? If in this fallow season I am not being disciplined in the faith, why would I change simply as my circumstances were altered? Not to say, of course, that the Lord cannot and will not use different places, people, and things to bring about change in my heart, but if I do not intentionally fight sin daily, I will continue to struggle with the same evils, no matter where I go or who is around me. If I do not chase after Jesus now, I will not be any nearer to Him ten years from now than I was today.
This is not an easy truth; I would prefer to believe that I can simply sit around in indifference until the Lord brings me to a healthy church in a pretty town with people who are easy to love and a life that carries purpose. Perhaps someday the Lord will bless me with such a situation, but as for now, I must cultivate a love for Jesus, in spite of where I am. In reality, my heart will remain the same, despite changing surroundings, if I am not actively loving, pursuing, and seeking the Lord, pleading earnestly with Him to change my heart by the power of the Gospel and through the work of the Holy Spirit.
I pray the Lord extends grace and mercy to me through the Beloved, that I might be freed from the bondage to apathetic waiting that I have so foolishly been chained to. May I pursue and seek Christ, regardless of my circumstances, regardless of who I am with or where I am, and regardless of whether I feel like doing so. May I be persistent in the spiritual disciplines of reading, prayer, fellowship, and confession, areas in which I so frequently fail. Most of all, may Christ be glorified in all that I think, say, and do at all times and in all seasons! May the same be true for you!
Blessings,
Janae Elisabeth
“God never places us in any position in which we can not grow. We may fancy that He does. We may fear we are so impeded by fretting, petty cares that we are gaining nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be sending roots downward. Perhaps in the time of our humiliation, when everything seems a failure, we are making the best kind of progress.”
-Elizabeth Prentiss
Monday, November 7, 2011
Made Perfect in Weakness
I must confess that I have been undeniably and unfortunately exhausted of late. I consider myself to be pretty decent at beginning things with excitement and enthusiasm, but finishing is certainly not always my forte. I began this year with the best of intentions, eager to redeem the time at Canyon High School, despite my deep desire to be elsewhere. I faired well at maintaining a good attitude and pursuing joy for a good two and a half months...but recently, I have failed miserably. In all honesty, I am tired of being in high school; I am weary of continually toiling at what seems to be meaningless assignments; I am worn out from trying to love people like Jesus has loved me. I want to pursue Christ, but I am facing much opposition from my flesh. I have this foolish, yet intense desire within me for people to perceive me as a well-composed, stable young lady; yet, I have found that often I become more concerned with appearing to be a "good Christian" than with actually loving Jesus and allowing Him to change my heart. I certainly want to maintain my witness for those around me, that they might see my character and know that I have been saved by Jesus; unfortunately, though, this earnest desire for good has been transformed into a nasty idol. In my pondering of this evident struggle of my heart, a question came into my mind which struck me deeply: why would the people I encounter at school ever want to enter into a relationship with Jesus when all they see in my life is a well-polished, fake front of perfection? Though vulnerability does not come easily to me, I have come to realize the necessity of it in my walk with Jesus. He knows my every thought and action; thus, it is foolish for me to attempt to conceal my sin from Him. Additionally, if I do not confess my sin to others because I fear letting anyone know of my pride, shame, lust, or depression issues, I will be alone and isolated in my struggles, which is a terrible place to be. There is almost no tool greater for the Enemy to use in defeating me and stealing my joy than the idea that I am a lonely sinner. This leads to terrible shame, isolation, and an overall unhealthy perception of reality. Not only is that so, but one of the primary reasons my heart becomes so exhausted is because I do not faithfully confess my sin to fellow believers, or even to anyone. Not to say that I should go around confessing my deepest darkest struggles to everyone I meet, but there is certainly a beauty in allowing certain trusted Christians, and even non-Christians or struggling believers, to see that I am weak and helpless without Jesus. It is not easy for me to allow people to see my battles against depression, lust, purposelessness, pride, or self-loathing; however, if those I encounter in my day know that I have sin in my heart and struggle deeply to love and be loved by Jesus, how much greater my witness would be of the grace and mercy of Him who saved me! Not only that, but how much simpler would my life become if I no longer attempted to maintain an image of holiness, but sought to be real and honest about my weaknesses, and, more importantly, about Christ's strength? I am certainly not saying that I should be comfortable with my sin and treat it as simply a nice topic of conversation, for it is a grave offense against the one true and holy God, nor am I saying that I should walk in sin so that nonbelievers will feel more at home around me. I am saying, though, that I am an imperfect and fallen creature, struggling to become what the Lord has called me to be, and that God is an almighty, perfect, holy God who is continuing to change my heart through the Gospel. This is a truth I should seek to share with all that I encounter! May He be glorified as I seek to be honest about the issues of my heart and, more importantly, as I proclaim His steadfast love and unchanging grace!
Blessings,
Janae Elisabeth
Blessings,
Janae Elisabeth
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